Hi I’m Tuna, my ex raped me and got me pregnant. Tuna is actually a nickname since my name is spelt weird. I also wanna protect my actual name while taking back a part of me as well. I have more SA stories than i should have but the one that is hurts the most is from 2015. I was depressed and seeking to fill a void in myself. The first person who somewhat filled that void was a someone i grew up with. He was quiet and mysterious when we were in school but when we started talking it was nice. He made fell safe and desired, he made me feel comfortable at first. The more things progressed the more red flags I looked past. He would gaslight me and when he felt me slipping through his fingers he buckled down. I crossed so many boundaries i had set because of him and opened up to him about past trauma. He used this trauma to make me feel bad and allow him to do what he wanted with me. When i would cry after he would did what he want he just watched and not do anything. One night after i had worked a double i picked him up. I told him i was tired and not in the mood for anything sexual just comfort of someone next to me. When i am dead tired i can sleep through anything literally! I’ve slept through fist fights outside my bedroom door, screaming, yelling and even someone shaking me. It takes alot to wake me up if im that tired. After i told him no sex i went to sleep. I very vaguely remember him asking to fool around and me telling him no but that’s it. I remember waking up in the morning with no underwear and just feeling gross inside. Yes he had sex with me while i was asleep. We weren’t together much after that night but a couple weeks later he begged me to take a pregnancy text. I didn’t want to, I didn’t think i was pregnant. Well low and behold i was. After the test everything changed! We would argue which resulted in him wanting to have sex and when i would say no he still did it anyway. I never fought back because he was taller and bigger. He literally scared me. It went on for a few more weeks and I eventually kicked him out. He continued to mentally and emotionally abuse me but I eventually put an end to that as well. I love my child beyond expression but to this day i still fear him.
I feel relieved. If anyone has been through this as well I implore you to talk about it with someone you trust. I didn’t come to terms with what happened to me until my child was 4 years old. I didn’t like to talk about it and i wish that had. I could have pursued legal action and gotten the help i needed sooner.
