Lo- 24

I just turned 19 and got my first appointment all by myself. I was extremely excited about my future. Finally getting away from my toxic family and going to school. Doing things for me finally. I got invited to a party with 2 friends. I had never been to a real party before. Ever. I got there and it was everything I ever thought. Loud music, bodies bouncing to the beat, neon lights and glowing shirts. Everything movies claim teenager parties to be. The host of the party had a special cigarette and asked if I wanted to hit it. I had been drinking already and was fairly buzzed but I said sure. I hit it a few times and thanked him and went on with my night. Come time to go me and my two friends loaded up in the truck when all the sudden a familiar face stuck his head in the window asking for a ride. My friend who was driving knew him since they both were little boys and my other friend knew him from her friend. I knew him, he was in my grade, had a relationship with a family member, and used to brag about the things he did to his ex’s while they had sex. He used to choke his girlfriend to where she passed out and he kept going. Anyway. I didn’t like him. He gave me bad vibes but I was so intoxicated I just wanted to go to sleep. I vividly remember telling my friend who was driving to leave him at the gas station we stopped at. But he wouldn’t. Once we got back to my female friends house, her, myself and the one we picked up all went inside. I wasn’t informed until the next day that I had actually called out of the truck and had to be carried in. Needless to say I couldn’t function properly. Me and the girl laid in her bed after we changed. I know for a fact she was in the middle. I know it. But I woke up to movement on my back. I was sleeping on my side. I felt my shorts being pulled down and my tee shirt pulled up and a hand on my chest. The taste of cheap cigarettes filled my mouth as he forced himself on me. I froze. I couldn’t speak I couldn’t move. My friend was right there and I couldn’t do anything. Her parents were in the next room. I don’t know how long it lasted. But I did somehow mutter stop and he said “ what? You’re not going to let me finish” and he kept going. Pushing my body almost off the bed. Until he pulled out and finished on my leg. He wiped it off with the blanket before throwing the blanket back on me. Then he fingered my friend. I lied there awake until the sun came up. At 6 am I got up. Texted my at the time on and off boyfriend I think I got r word. Told him who did it. And I was going home. I had also texted my best friend. She had been r worded previously and confided in me. So I called and talked to her. She went with me to the hospital for a r word kit. They found evidence of everything. Even a hair of his. I got shots and medication for an infection he gave me. My best friend also had my phone the entire time. My at the time boyfriend didn’t believe me. He later said I caused it. And it was my own fault I didn’t call him immediately. My best friend thank god stood up for me. And chewed him good. The other friend I went with who drove also didn’t believe me since he knew the boy for years. It wasn’t until recent he apologized for not believing me. The friend who’s house I stayed at didn’t believe me either and her parents said I should have screamed or done something. Those messages are still in my Facebook messenger. At that time I was completely broken and I had 1 person with me. To this day only a few people know. I never went to the police. In fear nothing would be done and I’d be made a liar. I no longer speak to the at the time boyfriend. My fiancé now is so understanding of what happened and was willing to do whatever necessary to help me, and is still to this day. The friend who drove I speak to still, he apologized and no longer speaks to the boy. My other friend whose house I stayed at we speak occasionally. I still don’t think she believes me. Which is fine. I don’t need her approval of what happened to me to determine anything.

It absolutely crushed me. I needed the support of my boyfriend and he chose not to. I was already dealing with a break up and this happened. I stopped going to school and work for a little bit. Almost lost my job. I had people make fake numbers and text me saying I was a liar and I deserved it. I’m not as deeply depressed as I was. But it still pops up and nightmares are still present. I would tell someone it’s okay. There are places to go for help. I have resources for it now. You don’t have to tell your story if you don’t want to. It’s yours. I would tell them they are strong and it does get better

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