Anonymous- 19

When i was 17 i was out with my friends, having fun and partying in Copenhagen, Denmark. It was the end of summer and i was about start my last year of High School. When i was walking to the pub with my friends, i walked past a guy, who i had been texting with for a long time. He wrote to me and asked If me and my friends would like to come to his apartment and party with his friends. He was 21 at the time. We went and the night was fun. It was late, and my friends wanted to go to another party. I had to go to a family birthday early in the morning, so he told me that I could sleep over. He reassured that nothing had to happen. I helped him clean up, and suddenly he kissed me in the kitchen. I was surprised cause nothing really lead to a kiss, it happened out of the blue. We went to bed and once again he kissed me, I didn’t mind it. As quickly as the kiss happened in the kitchen, without any indications he started doing stuff to me. I was shocked and when he asked if he needed to get a condom, I answered no. I did not want to have sex with him. He did it anyway and I was frozen by the shock. During the sex he hit me multiple times. I kept telling him that it hurt and he kept on going. I was crying and crying with my head in the pillow. Just waiting for him to stop. When he finally was done he sent me to go pee in the bathroom. I grabbed my phone on the way, and texted my friend who had gone to another party. I was sitting in the bathroom in complete shock, crying and trying to figure out what to do. After pulling myself together I dried my tears and walked out. I mumbled something about my father texting me to come home. I was so scared that he would hit me or do it again, and I couldn’t believe I had just been raped. I accidentally mumbled “ra” and he got up and screamed “RAPE??”. I said something about I had to go to a street that sounded like the word. I gathered my stuff and then I ran out of his apartment. I stopped running after a couple of minutes, and started crying so hard. A man came to me asking what was wrong, I mumbled what had happened. I called my friends and they ran 3 miles to me. The man sat with me, and as the shock disappeared and I realized what had happened I became so nauseous. I threw up and was close to passing out. My friends found me, and we went home together. Crying all night and holding me like a baby. The next day I planned on going to the birthday without telling anyone. But I broke down and went to my brothers apartment. He called my parents and we rushed to the hospital while my father talked to the police. At the hospital I had to get all kinds of tests and put my clothes into dna proof bags. I had never been to a gynecologist before, and that day I was forced. I had never been so scared when I walked into this hospital room, with a grown man. The took pictures of the places he hit me, dna tests and the exam. I was 17, raped by a MAN 12 hours ago, so so scared and forced to have a grown MAN perform an exam on me. I will never understand why they thought I was a good idea. It was half an hour in hell and everyone including my heartbroken family could hear my screams and cry through several doors. The first days home I spent in my bed, I didn’t move or eat. After a couple of days I got out and put on my happy face. The police had the case ready, and all I had to do was give them the name. But I couldn’t. It was impossible to ever get the name out of his mouth.

It has been 2,5 years and today i am 19. I’m living and happy. But a part of me feels like i will never fully recover. I don’t really get sad or angry about it, and not a lot of my friends knows about it. But once in a while I get hit by this wave of sadness, thinking about the little girl in me, who did not deserve that. And it’s okay to be sad, just not every day. It does get better, and remember that every 7 year your skin is brand new. 4,5 years to go❤️

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