Anonymous- 19

So I’m not sure where to start this, I was 12 when I was forced to get a job to provide for myself if not than I wasn’t gonna get anything until I made money. So I starting working at my uncles grill in my home town it was a small town everyone knew everyone and their business. The grill was right next to a high school and millions of young girls would go there everyday. When I started working there it was normal at first but as time when by the man who worked there (who was 29 we’ll call him C ) started to tell me how pretty I was and how I was so mature for my age and I looks so grown up for only being 12. I didn’t think anything at fist but thank be would start randomly coming up being me real close and blame it on there not being any room to move. It started escalating to him playing with my hair and asking me questions about sex and if I knew what to do or if I’ve ever done anything with anyone when I told him no he said he would show me if I was okay with it and I kinda just giggled mot really even caring what sex was. At the back of the grill we had to chop onions for onions burgers and he said he didn’t have time cuz he was the only cook so I said you could show me if it’ll get down faster. He took me to the back and started to show me how to cut the onions right and said to try it and see if I can do it without hurting myself on the processor. While I started cutting the onions he got really close up behind be he sniffed my hair I could feel his nasty stubby beard poking my neck as he kissed me and told me to be quite. He than stuck his hands down my pants and started to touch me and I didn’t even like it, I just froze I didn’t know what to do. After a few weeks of working and him groping me it got more worse and C would bear hug me where I couldn’t move at all and over power me and ask me “how do you like that.” I still froze(I hate myself everyday for doing that) I should have kicked, hit, screamed but I didn’t I just let it happen. C than asked me how I felt about having sex and asked for my Snapchat I told him he has my number do there isn’t a reason to have my snap but he insisted cuz he doesn’t answer text. Late at night he would send me nude and I just would send a random picture back with no response. I was so used to getting pics like that all the time so I was just like whatever. He than started to invite me to his house cuz it’s where “everyone hangouts” I guess and when I declined his offer he would offer me beer or drugs and I still refused. Also I forgot to mention this man watched me grown up my grandma worked there, my mom worked there and my uncle. He knew me since I was born and still took advantage of me and groomed me. My mom would work with us some days and he would send her to get us smoothies cuz he was tired of burgers and when she would leave he would take me to the back hold me down and touch me (he never penetrated)and when my mom got back I would go to the bath room and cry cuz I needed to make money somehow and I was too young to work anywhere else so I just put up with it. After a year and I turned 13 he would always try and get me alone or have his buddies set me up to be alone with him at work or just walking around town and he would randomly see me and stop to talk. When I finally got my first boyfriend he kinda backed off but would still ask if I had sex with my boyfriend yet or if I planned to and when I told him no he would come up and grab me and say “so he doesn’t fo this?” And would bend me over and kinda thrust on me and I just laughed and said “no that’s weird.” And he would just tell me “if he don’t than I’m gonna have too.” After a while I started to ask my mom if I could just quit working and hangout with my friends and she would ways tell me “ no you need to learn responsibility and you don’t even do anything for yourself.” So I was forced to keep working I would try to switch coworkers and I started working half the week with a younger guy who was 19 and was the sweetest soul I could tell him anything he had a little sister my age so he was kinda like a big brother to me. I tried to switch my days to work with him but that just couldn’t happen so I still had to work with my abuser and he realized I was ignoring him and didn’t care about his intentions so he would start taking my tips I made and cutting my pay and I couldn’t say anything cuz I did think anyone would believe me. I than started telling my other co worker how C was cutting my pay and taking my tips so he said somethings about it and later that day C and his friends showed up sat at the front and tormented me and called me names and I just couldn’t handle it I went to the back in the cooler and cried until he left and just asked my coworker if he could handle the front and I’ll let him what was wrong when they leave. After they left and we started to close the grill I told my co worker who’s name was Zane(he passed away a few months later in his sleep) what was happening and he was the first person that believed me. He even stood up for me when I was being bullied in school by a kid who I grew up with he knew the kids parents personally and went to the mom and told him what’s his son was saying to me. After awhile my mom found out and I told her what was happening and she took me to the police station and I handed them my phone willingly and gave a report of what happens for those two years of working there. The police when through me and Cs messages and said there is pictures of his privates on there but since I didn’t send anything back there’s not much they can do. So I just acted like nothing happened and when school started back up his buddies that were senior would harass me and call me names like slut and how I likes it, and deserve what happens to me. ( I can’t finish the story I’m so sorry. I’m trying but I can’t quit crying and trying not to relive what happened cuz I’m not on my meds right now i ran out like 2 days ago but I hope this makes another person feel comfortable to tell their stories and come out ) also my abuser was arrested but only because another girl came forward.

This made me feel like I was so nasty and hopeless and I felt like I didn’t love myself enough to stop what was happening but that isn’t the case it happito a lot of people when fear strikes and it’s normal to freeze so if any other person is telling them self “why didn’t I just move” DO NOT blame yourself it’s not your fault and it’s normal and I love you please don’t be afraid to speak your truth even if it’s hard.

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