i was four when i was first assaulted by a man. he told me he had a puppy and asked me if i wanted to pet it. i of course said yes, any four year old would love to pet a puppy. there was no puppy. next time i was assaulted 6, my childhood best friends sister was around 13-14, she said she loved me and that we were best friends and that's what best friends did. she did stuff to me and her sister and her dog. by the time i was free from her i was 10. it happened a little over four years. when i was 7 i had lost my frisbee in a tree, a man got it out for me, he said i was very pretty and i said thank you. later my mom asked me to look for my sister, we were having speggiti for dinner that night. i started knocking on doors looking for her, i happened to knock on his door and he said i could look inside. he locked the door behind us and asked if i wanted to see a magic trick. there was in fact no magic trick. i was raped for hours, i finally ran out, he chased me and said he was going to kill me, by the time i ran home it was dark. i was bleeding, i ran into the bath tub and started crying and playing with my monster high dolls that were in the tub. by the time i was done dinner was ready, my mom asked me why i was crying and i just said i missed my dad (not the reason obviously). i ate the speggiti, now i hate spaghetti. i never knew any of this was wrong until i was 14. i was always told "it's okay" "this is what freinds do" "this is what people do when they love eachother". i never told anyone until i was 14. i feel like all of this is my fault, i wish i wasn't so innocent so young, i wish i never fell for their stupid tricks, i wish i wasn't a girl sometimes. i hate that i was so dumb and my last wish is that men would fucking stop raping us.

i love you, you're brave, you're smart, you're important, you're beautiful, it's not your fault.

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