Anonymous- 19

On July 12th 2022, I was raped for the first time. My sister and I were at her boyfriend’s house and we me, my sister, her boyfriend, and his two roommates were just playing cards and drinking. I was already friends with one of his roommates but the second one I had never met before that night. At around 3am we decided to go to Waffle House. In the car on the way there, the roommate(J) was touching all up on me and kissed me a couple times and I kissed back and then told him I don’t want to do anything especially in the car with people around and he kept talking about what he wanted to do to me and he would give me the best experience of my life. This whole time he was pleasuring himself. He kept grabbing my hand and putting it on his dick. I kept telling him I didn’t want to do anything and that I have a boyfriend and he didn’t listen. When we were at Waffle House he calmed down a little bit, but as soon as we got in the car again, he started doing the same thing as before and I kept telling him no. When we got to the house I mentioned I was cold and he offered me some sweatpants and I said sure and he told me to come to his room and I said no I’ll just stay here and he insisted I come to his room but I stayed in the living room and my sisters boyfriend got me a blanket and ended up falling asleep on a mattress in the living room and I woke up to him fingering me. At this point, I was too drunk to react. I told him again that I don’t want to do anything and to stop and he said okay, but then continued less than a minute later. He kept kissing me and touching me and while still pleasuring himself. This whole time he was begging me to give him head and I kept saying no so he asked if he could give me head and I said no and he kept begging and I kept saying no. This pattern of him touching me, kissing me, touching himself, and begging me for more continued for at least 2 hours. every time I said “no I don’t want to do anything” he would say “you don’t have to do anything I’m doing all the work you just lay there” and I kept saying “no I don’t want to and I’m too drunk we could just cuddle” and he would not stop. That’s when I realized my pants were off and I didn’t know where he put them. I kept asking for them and he ignored me. Then he asked one more time if he could give me head and I gave in and said “I guess” and he started. After about a minute he stopped and said “I just realized your boyfriend can get this anytime he wants and it just made me mad.” And he asked to finger me and I said “I guess” and he did. I don’t know how long he fingered me but I remember it hurting. Whenever he got done it was 7am, he stopped and cuddled with me and finally let me sleep. That whole time I was telling him how tired I was and I just wanted to sleep. Despite me asking where my pants are that whole time, he did not give them to me until we woke up a couple hours later. When I finally left, I cried that entire day.

It made me feel dirty and I blamed myself and questioned myself every day since then. I’ve gotten better, but I still have days where I hate myself for it and I can’t stop thinking it was my fault. My biggest regret is not reporting it. To anyone who has been through the same thing, it’s not your fault. I love you. if you can, please please report it because you will regret it if you don’t. My rapist is running free still able to do the same shit to other girls because I chose not to report it.

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