My senior year of high school 2016-2017 I had just transferred to a new school. I had no friends. I was sitting by myself at lunch the second week there. A guy asked to be my friend and at first he was a sweet guy. We started hanging out around town and he took me to a park. He admitted to the cops later he was high and couldn’t control himself. We were in a bad part of town so screaming for help wasn’t an option. Me being only 5’7 and him being the biggest football player at our school, I struggled to fight him off me. I smeared my bright red Maybelline liquid lipstick all over his face and I was able to separate myself from him. Called my mom to be picked up. I remember getting in the shower that night to wash the lipstick that transferred from his hands to my body off. It took me a month to report it or tell anyone. Even though he admitted to doing it the police did nothing. My school did nothing. I was told not to walk at graduation after pulling myself out of a severe depression and being held back 2 years (13 classes later graduating on time) because I was scared to see him graduation day. I did end up trying to commit suicide a year later after repeatedly being told it was my fault. Thank god I am still here today.
My voice was worthless. My thoughts, my feelings. Everything about my consciousness was worthless. I would tell that person going through what I did, don’t hide. Talk to someone you trust. You deserve so much better. It gets easier to walk through life. It’s a hard journey after but not impossible. When it feels like you’re about to give up, like you can’t handle to pain and memories, you’re almost there. To the light at the end of the tunnel. You can live after struggle.