Maddy- 22

I was SA at a get together. My best friend took me and she was also SA. We were 15 and 16. We were drugged, assaulted, beaten, robbed. I never drank before so I started vomiting everywhere, they filmed me, threw us in their car and dropped us off in the middle of nowhere while I was dying of a drug overdose and alcohol poisoning. I was wearing black lulu highwaisted leggings, a grey tshirt, a green knee length parka. My friend saved me. She got a taxi to find us, and took me to our friends house, that friend bathed me but forgot me in the bath. I woke up naked, in cold vomit filled water, no lights or towel. I woke up drowning in the bath alone. One of the men went to our high school. He got to continue on with school, we didn’t. The case was closed with no justice. I was assaulted again 6 years later in similar circumstances and a similar outcome.

Our story ended the same way a lot of peoples did. People say I’m lucky to be alive but I disagree. Still to this day I feel them on me, I’ll feel dirty for weeks out of the blue. I have night terrors, PTSD, anxiety and depression I’m agoraphobic now. I have something called BPD. I tried reaching out to victims services and I’m currently going to war with them over paying for a treatment that will keep me alive. The police do not care enough, even with a fractured wrist, black eye and cheek, scratches all over me, dna left behind and a accurate story they dropped it. The government would rather you kill yourself than pay to save you. All I would say to a young girl who just went through the same, it doesn’t go away, you’ll never be whole again, but your not alone and don’t be ashamed to talk about it. Find something anything you love because some days it will be the only thing keeping you here, so keep doing the things you love. I’m sorry this happened to you, and I’m sorry the world isn’t fair and you probably didn’t get justice either, get help sooner rather than later because you’ll probably heal better than me and trust me you want that for yourself.

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