Anonymous- 18

I got raped December last year, at a party with family friends. He encouraged me to drink, I had told him I was a lightweight. I fell asleep on his shoulder before I woke up with him kissing me. The days after were hell. Police didn’t believe me because I froze during it, and didn’t say no. I was calling different crisis lines, my doctor. I wanted to just hide and cry, but I spent the initial week trying to sort out the aftermath. It’s been 2 months now, the memories of it still pop into my mind randomly. I’m scared of men in public. The details of my rape have remained close to my chest, apart from telling the police. I feel bad even telling someone, because of how horrible it was. Imagine that. I don’t know how i’m gonna navigate my future after this, like new relationships and friends. I’m getting counselling soon though, so i’m hopeful for that. I think about people who haven’t been in a safe position to tell people, those who’ve not come out about it for years. I feel bad for them, and i can’t imagine that. I felt like I was crumbling before I told my parents, they’ve been very supportive and they didn’t doubt me. I remember calling my friend the morning after it happened, crying because I knew everything would change and I was terrified.

I felt like shit. Just pure shit. I felt like I was drowning inside my own head. I went numb initially, then I felt everything, it was unbearable. To someone who has been through the same thing, I would say that I’m sorry you feel like this, that someone can take away your happiness that quick and you are left in the dust. I would encourage them to call rape crisis lines, they were the ones I told first, even when I was doubting I got raped. The lady on the phone was so helpful, I felt reassured, it’s anonymous and they direct you to sites and the paths you can take. It makes you feel less overwhelmed honestly.

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