I was 17. He was 26. I was over at a friends and we were going to go out to a party and have fun. I had already been denying his advances and telling him i wasn’t interested for weeks before this. He started making me drinks as we were pregaming before leaving. I noticed it was all straight vodka, but just pushed the thought to the side. Fast forward a little, i remember getting to the party and he handed me a cup with a drink in it. that’s the last thing i remember. i woke up hours later to him on top of me, with his hand around my throat. my clothes were nowhere to be found and i had to fight him off of me for what felt like ages. it was only me and him in the apartment, so i took a sheet and wrapped myself in it to get away from him. i still hasn’t processed the whole thing. more and more of our “friends” came home, and i fell asleep on the kitchen floor. i woke up the next morning with the most intense pain i’d ever felt. my legs were weak and shaking, and i was in tears from the burning pain going to the bathroom the first time. things slowly started coming back to me, and i realized he raped me. i told my “friend” and she told me i shouldn’t have gotten so drunk. i only had the equivalent of one drink, if that, since i had a few sips of the drink he made me before, and the small cup at the party. he found out that i connected the dots to what he did to me and threatened to kill me if i ever said he did it to me again. i left the apartment immediately after, and then noticed the quarter-sized chunk of skin missing from my arm and thigh. both were about a quarter-inch deep and still actively bleeding. not only do i have the psychological trauma from him, but i have physical marks from him forever. i struggled for a really long time believing it was my fault because people i trusted and considered friends told me it was.
it wasn’t your fault. it will never be your fault. anyone who tells you differently is fucked up beyond belief. NOTHING YOU did was wrong. EVERYTHING THEY did is. no one ever deserves to go through rape, and just know that you’re not alone. you’re not alone and it will NEVER be your fault.