I was 9 years old, in the fourth grade I had been riding the bus and my bus drivers grandson who was a senior at the high school down the road (17m) had also rode the bus with, because the bus driver was his guardian. I usually sat with my friend but the first day that this had happened she was not on the bus. So I had to sit somewhere else and that is when Cole offered to let me sit with him. We began talking about movies and after a while he stared grabbing me. He stuck his hand in my pants and in my shirt, I just sat there and took it, I don’t know why I did, but I couldn’t say or do anything because I was scared. He continued to touch me and grab me and by the time it was over, after what felt like forever, i got to my stop, I stood up and he grabbed my wrist and he told me that if I ever said anything to anyone, he wouldn’t be my friend anymore, which was a big deal to 9 year old me. So I got off the bus, crying and shacking and in pain. I went inside and went to the bathroom to discover I was bleeding from the force of his fingers going inside of me. It hurt to use the bathroom. I felt sick, and like I had been hurt in a way I couldn’t even describe. I took a shower and never told my mom why I was crying that day. This even then repeated, almost everyday, for about a month until I told my mom I was being bullied on the bus and she swapped me to being a car rider. I didn’t tell my mom what happened for 6 years, and I was still scared that he was going to do something to me for telling my mom, even after not seeing him for years. I still get sick to this day, thinking about it, talking about it, and remembering it. I can still feel his touch when I think about it. After all of these years
It made me feel awful. It is an event you can never just “get over”, it’s sickening. To someone who has been through the same thing just know that you’re not the reason for that event, no matter how you dressed, or spoke or presented yourself. It isn’t you fault. It never will be. You are not defined by that event. You are so much more than that trauma, and you are worth so much more than it. You are strong and amazing. I love you.
