Anonymous- 15

when i was 13 i had a boyfriend, i stayed at his house in the summer quite often. we shared a bed and while i was asleep he would touch me. he didn’t rape me but he assaulted me. then one day he ‘jokingly’ put his hand down my pants. i told him to stop but he kept going. i was scared. told my friends i was afraid he’d rape me. he found out, screamed at me and blamed me. i was being ‘too tempting’. i felt disgusting, i blamed myself. a while later i found out he had cheated on me and i left him. then his friends forced me to befriend him again and i started sexualising myself a lot (i have abandonment issues) so he wouldn’t leave me. i let him touch me, i sent photos of myself and i acted way more mature. at this point i was 14. he (1,5 years older) said he ‘waited for me to turn 14 so it would be legal.’ and he had sex with me a few times. at this point he also was dating the girl he cheated on me with, i felt terrible and i wanted to leave so bad but i was scared. scared because he knew everything, where i lived, where i went to school, where i sport. then his friends and girlfriend found out and i got sent many death threats. i’m now 15 and the threats have recently stopped. but they started almost a year ago, threatening they would ‘find me and make me pay’ or they’d ‘leak everything’. i’m still scared, scared to get a job or to take the bus. i also failed to mention before that he would not take no for an answer, he’d just do things while i slept. he choked me, i fainted a lot when he did that.

it made me feel dirty, i felt like i deserved the hate i received. and to anyone going through this, don’t be afraid to leave. don’t be afraid to tell anyone. even though you might’ve said you wanted something, no is no. you can always back out.

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